Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Another day, another fail.

But it doesn't matter..because there are going to be bad days, there are going to be good days.

How the hell do I stop myself from binging?? (I don't purge, just binge)

Yesterday I got through breakfast and lunch ok, but got home for school and started eating.

Also my stomach is so so so bloated, does anyone know how to get rid of the bloat? It's really getting me down.

This is all a bit disjointed.

Oh yeh. I remeber something I was going to put. I have been sneakily taking my mum's old sleeping tablets temazipan, but I found out a few days ago they are addictive and used for insomniacs and to combat anxiety. I know I should stop taking them, but they numb me and I love that! I am taking them less though.

Meal plan:

Breakfast: Wheetabix with raisens.
morning snack: satsuma.
Lunch: sandwich with cheese and pickle. And a packet of crisps (gasp!)
Afternoon snack: raw carrot sticks
Dinner: Pork and red cabbage salad (I don't know if I am going to eat the pork, I am making a stand against my parents buying cheap, intensively reared meat.)

Love you all xxx

4 comments:

mariposai said...

You haven't failed at all, events like these are useful learning experiences, and with time and practise you will get better at sticking to regular meals. You and your body are learning to trust each other again and it will take time.

Keep up the good work :-)

Sarah x

Pip said...

After school, is a binge time for me too. Today, yesterday. Most days now it seems. Don't worry. Be calm.
Also, just keep your self ridiculously busy until dinner, you get homework done, hahah, maintain the blog, blah blah bloop bloop.
I am so happy that some one is strong enough to combat these thoughts.
you are eating, like a normal person.
Your on your way to the land of unworry.
Soon you will be able to ENJOY going out 100% with friends, and not have to worry about the silly things,
CHANGE THOSE THOUGHT PATTERNS.
Your strong enough.
I feel like there are two equal parts of me.
ED and Me.
I want ED to fuck off and die,
but he is too strong.
I can only hope to help others, hypocritical maybe, but I feel if I can see others in the battle, I can join it.
BE STRONGER REAL ME!
buried under years of self destruction.
your real self, carefree, happy, beautiful, she will finally get a chance to shine.
Is the coherant? God knows, I am tired.
BE STRONG AGAINST THE MONSTER!
Fuck Off Ed, you bastard.

sunshine said...

And then hopefully very soon the good days will outweigh the bad days more and more :) You could try that yoghurt they advertise on the T.V. for feeling bloated...activia or something isn't it? Personally I find drinking lots of water/diet coke/diluting juice would stop me eating but they aren't particularly nutritional so you could try flavoured soya milk or something like that :) You are doing well, blips are part of recovery...or so I'm told. Yay, free range animals all the way ;) *hugs* xx

i love bows:) said...

too right FUCK OFF ED!
the only way i manage to get past wanting to binge is to really hardcore ditract myself. Go for a walk with no money. Or i look back at the list i made, because i need reminding when it gets tough!Think about how good you will feel if you manage to get past the urge.
wanting to not binge is half the battle.
you can do this
xxxx