Monday, 14 February 2011

Sorry for the absence.

But I am posting now. So time for an update!
I'm still working at the same place - the underwear store. It's alright, I don't mind it too much. I'm trying (and mostly failing) to save up for quite a few things - namely a trip to Paris with my Mum (booked!) a trip to Majorca with my friends for summer (hopefully soon booked) and a driving test. All very exciting.

My weight recently went up 1.5lbs and it's really thrown me. I was getting used to my constant weight, and now I have to deal with this change. I've been eating quite a lot of junk. But none of this is too bad, it's not been occupying my mind too much.

I've been doing a lot of research recently into North Korea, and what state the country is in. And I've been so shocked, I'm going  to be writing a post on it sometime in the near future.
Now something compelety different...
I'm going on a date!!! Witrh a guy I met ages ago and has been asking me to go on a date for ages and I've been saying no (wasn't over the ex) but decided yesterday to give him a trail date. He is taking full control of what we are doing on the date - where we go etc) and I'm looking forward to it.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Work stress, food stress, gap year stress.

My work is treating me like crap. They are saying I can't have a holiday off when they said I could 2 months ago. They said I was failing probation because I took a day off a month ago. They say I don't seem like I want to be there, when I'm trying REALLY hard. Whatever.

Food stress: I am just confused with food intake at the moment. I don't know what's too much, I don't know what's not enough. That horrible "I've eaten too much" guilt is really strong at the moment, even when I logically don't think I've eaten too much. I first got diagnosable bulimia 2 years ago, and I'm SICK of thinking of this every day. I'm SICK of thinking about food, calories, exercise and weight every. Frickin. Day.

Gap year stress: I have 8 months left and I've done nothing. I so want to go somewhere, but I have no friends that I can travel with. I found an amazing oppertunity which is a 21 day tour of America but it's £1300, not including flights or spending money. Too expensive.


Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Thoughts on 'Black Swan'.

Last night me and my friends went to see 'The Black Swan.'  It was BRILLIANT. The story was so unexpected as we all went thinking it would be a pretty ballerina's really really not. Her journey into madness was so well acted and very, very chilling. However it was a massive trigger. It has been described by critics as "eating disorder porn" and I'm inclined to agree. I understand that it's realistic to the ballet world but oh my god those girls are thin. I felt myself feeling fatter as the film went on. For the role Natalie Portman had to loose 20lbs, the director eventually told her she was looking too sick and had to stop loosing weight. I would warn those with eating disorders or those recovering to treat this film with caution.

Afterwards we went out for a meal and 2 out of the 3 of us ended up getting salad. After a film like that I couldn't deal with anything else.

Right I'm off to the gym, will update properly in a few days.