Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Am I allowed
Am I allowed to go to the gym? If so how often? Am I allowed to read books like 'Wasted'? Am I allowed to count calories? Am I allowed to purge every know an then? Can I hold on to some parts of an eating disorder and let others go. My mum found my calorie counter, she freaked out at first, but now she doesn't mind me using it, she understands I'm 'watching my figure' as she put it. Personally I think she thinks I'm a bit tubby, but maybe that's me being harsh
I find the hardest parts of the day just after eating and when I wake up. When I wake up I just reallllly want to fast. After eating I want eat everything in the house or purge.
I'm a little worried about the fact that...no matter how well I am doing I still have a feeling that the minute I get to university my ED will come back full force. And to be honest I am kind of looking forward to it. Food will be completely in my control. Oooh dear.
On a completely different note I am doing a gap year and am starting to plan it now, here are my rough plans so far:
1. I am definitely gong to Majorca for two weeks, Venice for one week and Cornwall for one week (this is all booked)
2. I want to get a full time job in a clothes shop (I want discounts!)
3. I am considering going to Camp America and being a camp counsellor.
4. Evening classes to improve my French, and maybe take a long weekend in Paris avec ma mere.
5. read A LOT of books (this is the one I think I'm most excited about, doing English literature has taken away any freedom of my book choice).
Sorry for the dull post. I just enjoy putting thoughts into writing so much!