Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Had a rough few days. My mind has been very cluttered.
I'm feeling very alone, isolated, deserted. I feel like I had people telling me I could recover- go down a dark path- and they would light up my path. So I take a leap of faith, start walking down this dark path. and BAM they decide I don't need any help, switch the lights off and walk away. My only mentor has been completely ignoring me since I emailed her about wanting to recover. I don't know which way is up and which way is down. I'm so confused. I can't have a good day unless I take my (stolen) benzodiazepines.
But I'm getting a little better eating wise. I talked to my mum again, and she is being fabulous, very very helpful. I obviously haven't told her that I am recovering from an ED, just that I keep eating a lot, and feel like I'm putting on weight, and that I'm uncomfortable in my body shape. She said she would help me :)
I was able to stick to my meal plan, which was good because ED had been in my brain ALOT telling me to skip foods...reminding me of all the good things about being thin. The voice won me over for a while, and I missed lunch, but by dinner I managed to knock some logic into my head and eat dinner.
On other news I get exam results tomorrow!!! I'm kinda excited...I know I can't change the results, so know I just want to know!!
Also I have shoes on the brain! I LOVE HEELS!
I love you all very, very, very much for the comments, the support means so much, and helps me keep going with this whole recovery jazz!