I havn't binged yet today..I also told my mum I am feeling fat, and she said she would help me stop snacking and says that I should allow myself one treat food in the evening. I'm feelings on edge...like just before getting really angry and anxious.
Last night I decided I couldn't deal with recovery, luckily I woke up in the morning and forced my mind to think rationally. This is what ED says, "Look at that fat stomach, what are you doing giving up? You always give up, wouldn't you love to be thin? You'll be happy." So I have to force my ration thinking, "I was miserable when I am in the midst of an ED, I will not be any happier if I am thin, it is better for me to be healthy. I need to do this for myself and my family."
I am trying so so hard not to binge. Today I had:
Breakfast: wheetabix with dried apricots.
Morning snack: 2 satsumas.
Lunch: a lettuce and tomato sandwhich with grapes.
Afternoon snack: a chocolate freddo.
Diner: Jacket potato with beans and cheese. Yoghurt for pudding.
Evening snack: chocolate bar.
I am feeling miserable and irritable. All I want to do is eat lots (I'm so embarrassed).
Also all of today I have been obsessed with my stomach. I look at it/think about it/worry about it all day. It just looks so big. I can't wear my favourite clothes because my stomach looks so fat.
Sorry for another venting post. Really not feeling up to being bright and cheery.