Wednesday, 11 May 2011

The hit of the relapse.

One and a half hours of binge. Hideous, raw, disgusting binge. started with a chocolate bar. Then cookie, then left over quiche. Then another ohh 5 chocolate bars (maybe more. I didn't care to count). Toast with peanut butter. Yoghurt. Cheese. More chocolate. Packet of crisps. Final bit of chocolate. And here I am. Still going to eat dinner. In so much pain I just want to shut myself down. The guilt will start to hit me soon and will wash over me like waves for the next few days. I purged after the quiche but as you can see, the binge continued well after that. Just frantically looking for food I could stuff in my greedy mouth. Hello half a stone I've lost...I haven't missed you at all. God I hate myself right now. 

6 comments:

Hypophrenia Heart said...

Don't be too hard on yourself, things like this happen. Try to understand what triggered it, and hopefully you can begin to avoid binges like these x

Sairs said...

Awww hun, sorry to hear about your binge and how you feel about it. These things do happen and I guess you just have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start again. You can get past this, you've gotten past this before, so I know you can. Be gentle with youself!
*hugs*
Sarah

Heather said...

Breathe love.
You can gain control again.
Do you think you binged because you've been restricting too much?
Be easy on yourself, everyone messes up.
Just bring it back.
You can do it.
<3

NOS said...

I know that feeling. All too well. But that's why we have to follow a moderate meal plan-- because starving ourselves just leads to extreme binges that make us feel like shit about ourselves. Staying at a healthy weight is a lot less emotionally draining than losing and gaining weight over and over again.

(((Battleinmind)))

Wishing you well,
NOS

Afterglow said...

I'm sorry you're having trouble. Just yesterday I believe I said the exact same 'God I just want to be smaller' to my therapist. She asked what does 'smaller' mean. I wasn't sure how to answer and then she asked why it's so important if I don't even know what it is! Do you have any ideas what it means for you?

<3
A

Eating Alone said...

I will give you a magical pass on the guilt if you give me one.

I did the same (on a much larger scale). My counters 1) you really didn't just gain 20lbs, one meal/binge will not do that to you. 2)It's over and there is nothing you can do about it so quit obsessing about it. 3) NO ONE will hate you for what you did. 4) DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING!

Sorry for the book, writting it for myself too.