Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Asked to model.

In the last month two of my friends have asked me to model for them, for photography portfolios. I did this for a few friends a while ago, but I feel so apprehensive to the idea of having people take pictures of me....look at photos of me....judge me. The idea of posing and them seeing me and thinking 'I shouldn't of asked her, she's got bigger' makes me feel sick.

I know I couldn't deal with any more modelling after having a self portrait done in Paris. People walked past and looked at it and me and I felt so awful, like I knew they were saying stuff and I was so anxious.

Right now I feel so, so big. I lost 2lbs in Paris, so overall I've lost 4lbs in 9 days. Need to loose more. So badly.
I had too much for dinner. 1 and a half jacket potatoes with beans and cheese, a big yogurt and some sweets. Feel disgusting.

Want to CUT the fat off my thighs.


Heather said...

Love, you'd made so much progress, is this the road you want to go down again?
Maybe you should say no to your friends if it's going to be triggering.
Or embrace the challenge, use it to teach yourself how beautiful you are. Just make sure it's the right decision.
You are so beautiful. It's just hard to see from the inside.
I'm not here to judge you, please don't take it that way. Just breathe.

Lisa said...

You can do this. You've come so far. Be careful with the weight loss... i hear ya girl. I want the same thing sadly...

breathe and make it through. I know you can do this. I KNOW IT.


kiz said...

love u take, each step as it comes focusing on the positive as much as possible. xxx

Haley said...

You do NOT need to lose weight. That is just ED sucking away the life from you. Even IF you had too much for dinner, which it doesn't sound like you did, so what? Shake it off! Tomorrow is a new day. Life shouldn't be spent worrying over calories/weight/your thighs. KNOW that you are beautiful for who you are on the inside.