Friday, 13 May 2011

Constantly wanting to sleep.

So the clock hits 7:30pm. And what do I want to do? Sleep. I'm so tired these days. It hits me in the early evening. In the day time at work I just want to lie on the ground and close my eyes. Just thinking about a full day of work tomorrow makes me yawn.

Today I saw my mentor, and I just feel awful now. When I talk about my problems they get even harder to deal with because when I talk about my eating issues, I feel SO much guilt that I'm not thinner. I feel like such a failure that I can't loose enough weight. That I binge.

 I haven't felt this worthless in quite a while.


Heather said...

Oh love,
Keep breathing, it's the only thing we can do; just keep breathing.
You are worth so much, so much more than a number on a scale. You're beautiful, and a wonderful writer, and loved, and thin. You just can't see it. You must try. It will be okay. Keep talking to your mentor about it, if you can. <3

Sairs said...

Hun, for what it's worth from seeing your pics, you are thin, you can't see it! I am not just saying that to make you feel better, I truly believe it. This is what the ED does, it makes you believe you are not thin, when you are. I was the same. I think back to the time I was thin, I am just average now and I can't believe I thought I was fat. Can you try some reality testing? I hope this doesn't upset you!

PerfectingMyEmptiness said...

Battle In Mind, that is your name, right? Then fight your battle, fight your demons. You feel ashamed? then don't binge, starve, exercise, show the world your will power. Don't hit the bottom, stay on the surface. I love you, i know how you feel. Do not forget that you are a fighter and a survivor.
I love you
Take good care of your beautiful soul and mind