Monday, 25 April 2011

restricting feels good. damn it.

Today I want to restrict. I hate my body. I loathe it. Breakfast was a banana. Lunch was chocolate buttons and a can of tuna.95 cals plus 146 caps plus 250.506 cals in total seems a lot. I miss the days when I could eat nothing for lunch or breakfast. Maybe I will cut it down, 200 c for breakfast, 200 for lunch.
My dad is on an extreme diet at the moment, he's lost 13lbs in 3 weeks.
Today I am scared of recovery, scared my mind will want to recover.
I found out i weigh more than my brother. He has crohns which means he struggles to put on weight. I am so embarrassed that I weigh more.
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5 comments:

flaweddesign said...

i hear ya. i woke up today with only ED on my mind and wanting to restrict. i did manage to have my breakfast already and i know that restricting will get my body nowhere so i'm fighting off the urge. i'm just glad that there's still 5h before i have to deal with lunch. try and keep fighting. 500c is still soooo low. i also remember the days of <200 but that's not now. i want to keep my shitty metabolism going as much as possible with regular small meals.

anyway....i just really sympathize with you. hang in.
jules

Sairs said...

I understand too. I am embarrased by the number and it really is high. I am nearly close to my highest weight ever. It's embarrassing. I found out one of Andy's friends commented on that I had put on weight too. It's awful. Stupid zyrpexa.
*hugs*
Sarah

Haley said...

Girly, you KNOW restricting won't do you any good. You're killing your body.
And slowing down your metabolism. If you do in fact need to lose weight which you DO NOT then the best way to do so is by eating a healthy diet with exercise.
You know that that number will never be what you want it to be. By restricting you are starting a cycle that will never end and that you'll regret.
Praying for you <3
P.s. I have to eat 2500 cals a day just to maintain. Remember that 500 is NOTHING. seriously.

NOS said...

Your brother is sick-- it's not surprising that he doesn't weigh much. You can't compare yourself to him (well, actually you shouldn't compare yourself to anyone, but one step at a time)-- it's like apples and oranges. Restricting will just slow your metabolism making it hard to NOT put on weight. It's not worth it.

Wishing you well,
NOS

willfindhope said...

I agree with NOS that you can't compare with your brother. Restricting does not lead to good things and you're beautiful the way you are. xx