Monday, 11 April 2011

Eating disordered thoughts. Why are they back now?

This last week I have been getting eating disordered thoughts, getting louder and louder, harder to ignore. So what do I do? I binge. Damn it chocolate you are my downfall. My body image isn't that bad at the moment so I know that I'm not actually feeling fat, just out of control, and wantinmg a little more structure.

What I don't understand is how I can be okay with what I see in the mirror yet still feel fat and inadequate. I've been in bed all day. Eating and reading. Luckily I'm going to the gym tonight.

On other news, there is this guy. He's been in my life for like 2 years. I'm not interested in him romantically, but he is in me (he told me a about 5 months ago) and he got VERY possessive and needy. I decided it was best for both of us for me to cut him off. I severed all forms of contact, but didn't delete him off facebook. When I went out on Thursday I ended up drunkenly messaging him that I missed talking to him. The next day he was in contact via facebook and I don't know what to do. He wants to meet up and I think I do to (not in a romantic way, but he is a good friend of mine). But will this mess things up? I just don't know what to do!!

1 comment:

PerfectingmyEmptiness said...

be very firm in telling him you don't want any romance. It is the best way...
About the ED thoughts, understanding that you are not fat is something major you accomplished.
I am so proud of you:)
Keep holding on to your dreams
Love you