Yesterday, whilst lying in bed trying to sleep negativity attached to me. I had these awful, horrible thoughts about myself, over and over again...they were completely out of the blue...I haven't had them this bad for a long time. I felt so ANGRY at my body. At my thighs. At my big legs. I just started scratching them up and punching them. I HATED them. I haven't felt this much hate and negativity towards me for a long time. What I notice is the minute you start believing the negative thoughts...they invade you. They move from horrible things about your body, to horrible things about how your family think you hate them, about what a lousy person you are etcetc. So clearly my evening was spent trying to battle these thoughts. Hard work!
On a better note, I've noticed how much better and more structured my eating is when I eat breakfast and lunch with someone. I used to think that it's better to eat on your own so you can think about the food..but I've noticed that when I eat with someone else I feel more satisfied with the food I have, and don't want to binge or purge afterwards.
I know I've talked about this before but...I HATE SUMMER. I can't deal with the clothes, or my paleness, or the fact that all my friends are thinner and prettier and more tanned. I hate the fact that I have cellulite and I hate the fact that my thighs wobble. I hate that I can't disguise this in Summer. I feel so vulnerable and raw in summer. No where to hide.
Thank you for the good luck on my exams :) my biology went horribly, but I am hopeful for my psychology test on Tuesday.
Sorry for the lack of comments on you blogs!