Thursday, 10 June 2010

iamnotfatiamnotfatiamnotfat (repeat until believe).

Feelings:
1. I feel like a failure because I feel like I have binged (I ate too much dinner, even though I haven't eaten anything else today). I feel like I'm going to weigh a lot tomorrow and it's really really stressing me out.
2. I feel like I'm never going to be good enough for the world..I'm never going to be thin enough.
3. I feel really guilty because I haven't purged...not because I'm trying to recover...because I don't want to risk it with all my family in my house.
4. I feel miserable when I'm hungry and miserable when I'm full.
5. I feel angry because I don't think I'm going to reach my target weight by Sunday.

Facts:
1. My weight is in the healthy weight range. This means I am not fat.
2. I don't need to feel guilty about not purging. Other people eat more than me and don't purge, and I don't think they are fat.
3. The number on the scales tomorrow does not dictate my self worth.



Can someone please beat me round the head with the facts until I believe them?

11 comments:

Calla said...

you are beautiful, and smart, and sweet, and wonderful and you are absolutely good enough for the world. <3

melon. said...

i second calla.
you are good enough, you are lovely and wonderful and intelligent.
you are good enough.

Sairs said...

I just gave you the "blog with substance award". Don't feel you have to accept it.

sorry to hear you're having a rough time!

*hugs*
Sarah

i love bows:) said...

firstly babes, i loved the poem on my other blog

secondly, i LOVE that necklace too, i got it from topshop, and its my fav bow necklace!(and i think its in the sale now....)

thirdly-thanks:)

right, now would you LISTEN to auntie vics:p

YOU ARE NOT FAT.i dont even really need to say it.but just in case, il say it again.YOU ARE NOT FAT.now, see thing is, it wont wvtually matter how many times we all tell you-and mean it when we tell you, you will only start to belive it when YOU think that. cos if it would help babes, i would say it til im blue in the face, and in need of some serious oxygen therapy, yknow.

Its like you said to me-i wish you could see how i see you. Your so cute, you really care for others, your thoughtful and compassionate.you look hot to trot!your funny, sweet and smart.you have this amzing abiity to make me feel better.your good enough, and you know what-theres even some left over! thing is, on the other hand-good enough for who exactly?you only need to be good enough for yourself.

now im older than you(well a bit) so obviously this means im right.i want you to write down all the lovely compliments you have ever had, no matter how silly it seems and carry it with you in a teeny little notebook.then you can look at it when you wobble.my friend made me one once.its great, it helps.

i know its super hard babycakes, i know.i think you shpuld be proud that you didnt purge fullstop, doesnt really matter why-i mean i bet there has been times when people were home and it was even harder to stop, or you did it anyway.

i think your fabulous.you need some self esteem baby!

oh, and no, you cannot have my bag!isnt it amazing!hahaha i love quirly bags, you never know, when i find another i love as much(i have SUCH a bag thing), i might just send it to you:)

xxxxx

Eating Alone said...

Stop justifing eating a dinner that was a little too big. Look at where it started - You didn't eat all day. Of course your body was screaming for food and then your ED said go for it. When I restrict I tend to want to binge too. Eating the right food at the right intervales will lesson the physical cravings for a binge.

So failure - NOPE.
Weighing a lot tomorrow - Not from one meal.
Thin enough - For what? Be yourself and screw the people that think your are not the right shape. If that's all they are worried about they need to get a life.
Guilty - THAT'S a good thing, doesn't matter why purging hurts and if it takes other around then keep them close.
Miserable - It's not about the food. Try and think of something that you like and do that.

Targetrate - What are racing for? You are you and can move that date/time/weight to get there when your body wants to.

I hope you feel better! Just keep on fighting the false with the facts.

tywo said...

Don't feel guilty for anything.
I'm positive that you are beautiful inside, and out. You are also very lovely. I hope you believe this because it is a fact.
Stay beautiful.
<3




LOVE!

Andy said...

HEY HEY HEY.

You have been so positive, so inspiring and just fantastic. You are better than an ED ever could be okay?

Target weights are not important. Pills and crunches and pounds and purging. None of this is important.

You know what is important? Looking back 5, 10, 20, 30 years from now and liking what you remember. Feeling the sun on your face is important. Completing your list of things you want to do is important. Believing in yourself is important.

And damn, I am having trouble with this. But I know it will be worth it.

I cannot wait until I wake up and don't run to the scale. Or can eat breakfast without hating myself afterwards.

It's going to be so great, and that's the truth.

Not those lies you yell at yourself when you are anxious, confused, hurt, angry, scared, sad; but the truth that whispers when you feel these things, and you can hear clearly when you are in a "strong" mood.

You can do this dear. You can overcome it.

Have faith,
Andy

i love bows:) said...

i love what people said about how you dont need to justify things...thast something i do a lot, and its really not helpful.just take thing as they are.

everyone has said some really helpful stuff here, that i kinda needed to hear too!

arg nooo with the extension.according to my tutor im pushing it as it is.yeha.im so screwed.hich is probably why ive been awake since 3am having af freak out.

xxxxxx

mariposai said...

These facts are very well presented and articulated...please do read them over and over. Not purging is a GOOD thing, and you are NOT fat. In writing and believing what you have written, this displays an inner strength and determination that will see you through not only recovery, but also life itself.

Believe those words.

Sarah x

now.is.now said...

This is really good. Keep reminding yourself of the facts and, eventually, in some moments, it'll make the feelings less powerful.

hopeandhush said...

OMG. This is MY post. Thats EXACTLY how I feel (see blog).
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings with us.

hugs,
Kat