Wednesday, 16 June 2010

Today and yesterday have been good food days (even though it's only 9AM so far today. Yesterday was Exam Day. I had my porridge, went out for cake and coffee with my mum at mid morning, had scrambled egg for lunch and headed out for my exam. It went...ohhh I don't know, I can never quite grasp how exams went, I tend to get the opposite of how I thought it went. Got home, and did have a bit to much to eat, I had: a yoghurt, a chocolate bar and a bag of maltesers. This felt like WAY to much for a snack, and I could tell that I was in binge mode, which meant I would of purged. So I sat down and distracted myself. Stayed with that weird feeling of WANTING to binge...like every cell in your body just wants to be packed with food. But I got through it, and was able to have dinner with my family. Done.
Today I was feeling so uncomfortable when I woke up, all I wanted to do was restrict and leave out breakfast because I wasn't hungry. BUT I remembered all your lovely comments and encouragement and just sat down and ate. Done.
OHOHOH good news, I haven't weighed myself for....2 days! I know that seems nothing, but considering normally I weigh myself on average of 8-9 times a day, then this is a big deal.
Last night I sobbed. Completely weeped. Because of a book, the most heart wrenching, amazing book I have read. It's called the shaming of the strong...or something like that. It's an autobiography of a woman who gets pregnant with a baby who will die straight after they are born. Instead of deciding to terminate it, she decides to stay with the baby, and love it for as long as she can. She names her, makes her some clothes, talks to her. It was the most moving book I've ever read, every few pages I had to stop reading, calm down, pull myself together and carry on reading. Most of the time I couldn't read through the tears.
I know this was a higgldey piggldey post, but I just wanted to write!

Question time! First off, thankyou for answering my last questions, it seems that Wicked got the majority! And in response to the what would you tell someone starting an ED, the resounding answer was STOP THEM AT ANY COST.

New questions:
1. You have to rename the stone 'diamond', what do you call it?
2. You're stuck on a desert island with no internet, signal etc. You can take one thing, but that thing can't be something that helps you get off the island. What do you choose?

7 comments:

mariposai said...

Wow nice work missus - you should be very proud of yourself indeed :-)Also, sounds like that book really touched you on an emotional level...

If I could take one thing to a desert island, I would want a pen and paper so that I could write and draw about my experiences, to help me feel less confused and alone.

The diamond one is a tricky one...I'll have to think some more before I answer that!

Sarah x

Elisabeth said...

It's wonderful that you had a good food day yesterday and so far today :) I'm so proud of you for not purging, and for allowing yourself to sit with the feeling of being in binge mode. That can really help. I was in binge-mode today and it's always hard to just sit down and not eat when all you want to do is eat eat eat! So good job! I hope your exam went well :)
That books seems very interesting and sad, I'm going to buy it online because I love books like that!

You're doing really well, and thats a big achievment that you havent weighed yourself in 2 days :) im so proud of you and you can beat this ED! I believe in you <3

I love your questions lol! :D
1. that's a tricky one, but I would probably call it 'Rosemonde', I don't know why xD I just like it and think it suits it.

2. Hmm, that's another tricky one! i would probably take a warm comfy bed! at least i'd have somewhere cosy to sleep haha xD but realistically, I would take a book, not sure which one, but one that I can read time and time again.

Stay strong <3 You can beat ED!

tywo said...

I'm happy you had a good day! :)
I'm proud of you.
See, things just keep getting better.
All my love, darling.


1). I have absolutely no idea! haha
2). My camera or my ipod! I'll capture every moment of my tragedy and laughter with my camera. If I take my ipod, I'll sing and dance till my battery dies. Then, I'll begin to cry! haha.



LOVE!

melon. said...

i'm happy for you dear :)

1 - i would call it, shineclear. but oh, diamonds sounds so much better.
2 - i would bring a glass bottle, which of course would already have a pen and piece of paper inside of it, so that i can send it out to sea for whoever to find for me!

A@ Please Don't Eat Me! said...

hmmmm, i love your questions!
1.well i have no clue what else you could name a diamond, how did it get named in the first place? anyone know?!
2. lip gloss. hello!!!!! my lips get really dry easily,im sure it would be no exception on a dessert island! haha

that book sounds right up my alley! what is the name of it??

A@ Please Don't Eat Me! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eating Alone said...

Congrats on the not weighing yourself. I know how hard that is. I had to get rid of all of my scales. I had three.

BIG CONGRATS on distracting yourself so you didn't binge. I'm going to have to try that as well.

1) That silly rock, hmmm not a clue.

2) I'd want to take that lee strode guy from survivor man. He could at least make sure that we ate and maybe get us off the island.