Monday, 24 May 2010

Upside down day.

Eat nothing until dinner. Eat so much pasta. And cheese. And then crunchy nut cornflakes and a banana. Feels so, so much. Go to tutoring. All I can think of is being sick. Finish tutoring. Walk to gym. Go to toilet. Try and be sick. Don't get enough up. Pay £2.80 for gym. Stay for 10 minutes. Felt too embarrassing to stay, too hideous to keep working out. Felt lethargic, tired and lazy. Left. Now I'm here typing this. Feeling useless. My weight is still too high. Too high. Too high. Too much.

I need to snap myself out of this. It's just one small day. Just one. I will feel better tomorrow. My body is just a shell. A shell to my soul, my SOUL is what matters. Not the shell that holds it. I am not defined by what is outsides. I am what is inside.

I really wish I could believe this.

Friday is my last day of school, it's a fancy dress day. I am going as a hippie :) I am wearing a maxi dress, with flowers in my hair and will face paint a peace sign on my cheek. Any other ideas of how I can look more hippyish? I will put photos up on the day :)

Sorry for such a bipolar post. I can see my miserable mist lifting as I write my thoughts.

Also can you all please help Vic by giving your opinion on whether an addiction is a disease.

Love you all.


Anonymous said...

your costume sounds so cool
it is such a good idea.
maybe if you had a peace necklace or lots of bangles or something like that.
malheureusment, we all have days where we feel like this. i hope this passes for you.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry sweetie. Tomorrow is going to be a better day.
Your costume sounds way too cool.


mariposai said...

Ooh I love the sound of a hippy costume. Don't beat yourself up over today. You cannot change what has happened. You are right about what is inside being the thing that counts, and the best way to look after your soul is to not let it be consumed by self blame.

Flower power!

Sarah x

Eating Alone said...

Peace Man!!!

And weight is just a number that will change your whole life. Be happy with who you are not a number. (And never give me that advice it doesn't work for me ;D)