Saturday, 8 May 2010

Can't think of a title today.

First of, check out this article It genuinely made me feel very happy! These women are beautiful and curvy and confident.

Anyway, how did the date go? I here you ask. Well, I don't really know the answer...I'm unsure about what I thought about it. I know it brought back a lot of old feelings for me, but I just don't know how he feels about me. We watched 'Paranormal Activity' and drove to a supermarket...he caught me calorie couting and gave me 'the look'. I ended up getting a 33 calorie side salad. (I lost that extra pound this morning, which I am annoyingly happy about). Anyway, back to the date, we watched the film, then we played some piano, and I went home...I just don't know how he feels about me which really annoys me...I really wish I was a mind reader.

I can tell I was stressed about because I didn't want breakfast..and obviously found it hard to eat lunch (hence the salad). I find I've recently started accidentally giving myself 'goals'. As in 'I can't meet up with /go out on friday night/go for coffee with, unless I am x weight. By Monday I have to be another lb lighter to go for coffee with my mentor. Damndamndamn. How did I let things get like this?
On a positive note, I feel emotionally okay. I am feeling quite happy and not miserable etc.

Love to you all!

xxx

5 comments:

Sairs said...

Thinking of you hun! I know it's hard when you don't know how a boy feels about you and you really really want to know and it ends up being all you think about all day. I really hope you get some indication soon and because you are so beautiful, I can't imagine any boy not wanting to be with you! I would tell you to ignore ED, but I would a hypocrite, so I won't :-/
*hugs*
Sarah

mariposai said...

Aw that's so cool you played piano together! Do not base your self worth on a number though, and remember that whatever happens with this guy, you are amazing, no matter what.

I'm not suprised you are stressed, given that anyone would be, not knowing where they stand with a guy, but using the ED to cope with this won't help, and no relationship is worth destroying your body for. Because you are important and worth taking care of.

Sarah x

Lou Lou said...

i agree with sarah your self worth is not based on any number! i replied to your comment but thought id write one here too! yeah i think mid 2011, august would be best i think as i finish my course for yoga in july. im excited you think its a good idea! woooooohoooooo!
i think it will be awesome as long as it keeps serving our recovery, as it is the most important thing here, keep it up doll, and remember that its who you are that is the beautiful and special thing! xx

tywo said...

I'm glad you are feeling happy.
The above comments have said it all.


LOVE!

now.is.now said...

It's always easy for me to justify letting my eating slip by saying "but I'm emotionally doing fine!" So, if you're anything like me, this can be a warning. So just be careful and stay vigilantly self-aware.

Remember: you can meet up with people and socialize no matter what your weight is. And, also remember, staying in and not socialize does not make your weight go down anyway (not that your weight should go down... i'm just saying that I was the same way... I used to think I should never be in public if I'm having a "fat day/week/year/life," but it helped me to remind myself that isolating myself isn't going to make me feel less big or change my size in anyway." Just like every other human, you have the right to a good time, regardless of how you feel about your body in the moment. Keep strong!