Stupid boys. I really hate them. This is what happens when you let yourself be vulnerable, you get shot down. He's completely ignoring me. I hate feeling like this. This longing to be with him. This need for him. I miss him. He clearly doesn't miss me. That's the way things go. I can't deal with it.
Eaten lunch. Couldn't face breakfast. Couldn't face dinner. Won't face breakfast tomorrow. Might have lunch tomorrow. Might make up an excuse for dinner. Might binge. Might purge. Who knows.
I feel like I make progress (actually tell him how I feel...let myself be vulnerable...be honest, this is all very rare for me by the way) and I get shot down. I remember why I build up that bloody wall. To keep these horrible, heart sinking feelings away. Well that's the last time I make that mistake. Walls are going back up.
Maybe it's because I've got so disgustingly fat. But no. I know it's not that. Being rational I know it's not the way I look that's put him off. It's just me in general.
I've lost all motivation, all want to succeed. I don't care that exams are coming up. I don't care. I just want to sleep for a really long time and wake up as a child.