Tuesday, 11 May 2010

A small history visit.

The childhood.
Happy on paper. Sad in emotions. A mum and a dad. A teacher and a doctor. A brother and a sister. A lot of arguments between my brother and my parents. Crazy, insane arguments. Screaming. Me locked in the bathroom hysterical...blocking my ears. Always arguments at dinner time. Used to eat dinner so, so fast so I could get away.
Painfully shy for a while. Confused and quiet. Too scared to talk. Not a bad childhood...just a confusing one.
Early Teens
The stage of rebellion...talking non stop in class...about nothing, just to get some attention. Used to enjoy getting told off. Made it a hobby. Polar opposite of childhood me - loud, argumentative with friends, promiscuous.
Move to private school
Back to childhood me. Even more shy. Couldn't talk to any one at this new school. Every day got home and cried non stop. From when I got home to when I went to bed, just cried. Worst sadness of my life.
Move to 6th form.
Finding myself. Learning a little more who I am...not liking what I find...but at least it's an identity. Making friends that I get on with...click with. But it's a skinny school. Not one person is even a bit chubby. Literally every one is very thin. Pressure. Start cutting out food. Etc.etc. the rest is all history.

Sorry for that slightly dull history but I'm thinking a lot about my past, and my future. Piecing together me.

On other news. The boy told me he's not interested. Doesn't see a future. Okay. That's okay. There will be others. I can accept that. I will accept that. It's okay.


Anonymous said...

I'm proud of you for being you, and having the courage to tell us about your history.


mariposai said...

I'm glad you can be philosophical about the boy. Sometimes things aren't meant to be, and there is always the possibility of something better. You are only young, and there is plenty of time to find love ;)

I've started thinking alot about my past too recently, and it's important not only to understand the person we are now, but also to let go of anything that may be holding us back :-)

Sarah x

NabilaHazirah said...

"Painfully shy for a while. Confused and quiet. Too scared to talk. Not a bad childhood...just a confusing one."

you just describe parts of my history.

i think you have a pretty intresting history. and you've gone through so much. you're such a strong woman