Wednesday, 12 January 2011

stop. eating. so much. argh.

I keep EATING. loads. Today was my worst yet:
4 chocolate biscuits.
1 croissant with peanut butter.
1 bagel with peanut butter.
5 mini chocolates
2 crackers.
1 bowl of soup.
1 piece of bread.
1 yoghurt.
1 jacket potato with cheese and beans.

I feel so gross. I don't know what made me feel all binge-ey. Maybe it's because now I only work 3 days I have nothing else to do. Today I had a driving lesson...and that's it. I was going to go to the gym but I didn't feel like I had the energy. I am going out with friends tonight and I want to. As much as I love my sixth form friends whenever I hang out with them I feel fat (they are all very thin). Really dreading it. 

I also feel guilty for caring so much about this stuff. After watching 'The Passion of the Christ' this afternoon (not exactly a light watch FYI) I guess I feel stupid for caring about this stuff.


Anonymous said...

you should delete this blog. I know it's a sanctuary but it's probably making you care about this stuff more. I deleted mine and let go a while back, and girl my life has been so much different. xxxx

The Woollen Typist said...

I cannot stress this seriously does not add up to too much. It's still not excessive.

Although, I do find that the more I think about wanting to not eat I end up eating more and more of exactly the things I don't want to eat.

(I was so embarrassed when I was accused of being a carb fiend today).

It's a vicious cycle. Do you see/talk to someone about the eating disorder?

Take care. xx:)

Anonymous said...

You sound so much like me--

I go through that ALL the time. I'm bored. I binge. I feel horrible about myself. I can't get myself up to do to the gym...the cycle continues...

What I've realized is it's sooooooo important to BREAK it! Make yourself get up and Do something! Being bored is a horrible excuse (one I use all the time so I'm in the same boat as you!) Go for a walk-- turn on music and dance like as asshole) haha Makes yourself smile and laugh and try to not to turn to food to express how you feel.

Good luck lady! I have faith in you :)


Let me know if you ever want to chat! It also helps to reach out to someone when you get this way

Lisa said...

I've been in a place where I def feel as if me worrying about these food things are so stupid when there are all these other giant tragedies going on in the world but you have to remember- you are important to. Just as important and you'll be okay.


Sairs said...

I'm sorry you feel awful, but it's just one day. Tomorrow can always be different. I know it feels awful but just try and breathe through it when you feel it becoming overwhelming. The more you fixate on it, the worse it will feel. Try and keep busy and do somethind different. I know that is easier said that done but keeping distracted is going to help with the overwhelming feelings. Be gentle with yourself and remember it's just one day!

Haley said...

Again, you are NOT eating THAT much! You are doing fine. Just don't worry too much over what you call "bingeing" cuz focusing on the past won't help you today or tomorrow. Let yourself enjoy the foods that you want, and then you won't feel like you have to binge on them! Good luck girly

Anonymous said...

Maybe this is just your body bouncing back from being sick a few days ago? You said you lost some weight-- maybe your body is telling you that you need it back.

I hope you have a good time with your friends. Try to focus on the activities/conversation, not your body.

Wishing you well,

Anonymous said...

hun i dont even know what to say besides that list doesnt even look like enough to me? or it just looks like a regular day...idk it doesnt in anyway look like you overate?!