Friday, 24 September 2010

What happens when it breaks down?

Boys (I'm in an organised mood - hence the subtitles)
Now, if you know me you'll know that my back catalogue with guys is....crap. I have never been in a relationship more than a month. If I like a guy, he breaks up with me, the ones that like me, I don't like (it's always the way eh?) I've been going out with boyfriend for a couple of months and I am falling for him Big Style. Like I've never liked (maybe even loved?) a guy this much. So what happens when he gets sick of me and I get the boot?
Because I don't think I'll be able to cope (yes, I do know I'm being dramatic and negative but that's the mood I'm in). I'm soo scared of falling for him, because then I'm vulnerable. Letting your walls down is HARD.

Fuck, fuckity fuck. I hate food. I hate that I like food. I hate that I rely on food when I feel like crap. My thighs are. Urgh. Major Urgh. I can't deal with it.Yuck. But if I try and restrict I'm screwed - I binge. Gah. (Notice that when I write about food, all real language goes out the window 'yuck' 'urgh' 'fuckity')

I should not be allowed to drink. I should have a personal law set against me. Last night I went out for a night out, annnddd spent £40 on alcohol. How?! I have no idea. I was so very wasted. SO . new experiment, I am going to try and not drink (GASP) for two months. Let's see how this goes...

1. Any recommendations on where should I go on holiday?
2. Do you resemble a rat or a pig? (Everyone either looks slightly more like a rat or pig. I am a rat.)


Anonymous said...

I can really understand what you are saying about feeling vulnerable for liking someone. But remember-- just because things have happened a certain way in the past doesn't mean they'll happen that way in the future.

It's good that you realize that restricting only leads to binging. I spent my entire second and third year of college in that cycle and I wanted to die (and I tried to do so a few times). It's SO MUCH BETTER to eat moderately every day. But very difficult.

1) I speak French, so I really want to go someplace French-speaking. This summer I want to go to Quebec/Montreal but since you're in the UK I would probably recommend France.

2) I think I look more like a rat than a pic (despite my profile photo). I only FEEL like a pig.

Wishing you well,

tracy said...

Israel! i want to go there and somehow get hooked up with a Sabra and see all the sites a regular tourist would never see! :)

tracy said...

i drink too much i should follow you excellent example. Why am i so scared?

tracy said...

i love your "50 Things to Do Before i Die"...i hope you don't mind if i "steal" it"...i'm running out of time!
Thanks Luv!