Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Waking up with perspective.

After a yucky day yesterday, I was AMAZED to wake up refreshed after having a good nights sleep. YAY. I'm not restricting today, I've decided to keep my food intake stable, then lower it very gradually (I know, I know...not healthy...giving in to ED...but to be honest I really need it at the moment to get me through).
Today's food:
Breakfast: 30g ready brek with sultanas - 120 c (I round up because I'm paranoid about under estimating).
Lunch: 1 ryvita, 1 plain piece of bread, a corner yogurt, an Options hot chocolate. So that's... 42+96+200+40. (I hate that I know these calories off by heart) 378. That's WAY too many cals. I shouldn't of had the yoghurt.
Dinner:Pasta with tomato sauce - 400.
So the average total is 898, I'll round up to 1000 just to be safe. That's a very big number for me.

My boyfriend is trying to get me to go to counselling, for my flashbacks to sexual abuse, my seriously awful nightmares and awakening in fear every night, for my continuing struggling with the ED. But I'm too scared to tell my parents that I want to go to counselling because they will pry into what's wrong...and I don't really want to tell them. My boyfriend goes to university next Monday. Crap. Luckily he's staying in my city. I'm still really worried that he's not going to have any time for me, I know that I'll need to adapt to seeing him less.

Questions:
1. Is there any specific kind of counselling you would recommend?

7 comments:

NOS said...

I'm glad today you are feeling better than you were yesterday, but I'm sorry you feel you need to restrict to get through things. I hope things continue to improve so you don't feel you have to rely on your ED.

Hmm... About the counseling... Maybe you could tell your parents that you want to go to counseling because there are things that you feel you need to talk about that you don't feel comfortable talking to them about. They might still pry, but then again they might not. Do you feel like it is worth the risk?

I hope things continue to go well for you and your boyfriend.

Wishing you well,
NOS

Goal_Thin said...

I was in exactly the same situation with the 'boyfriend-wanting-you-to-go-to-counseling' situation. Lucky for him, my mum is making me go anyway. Is there any way you could go to your college/uni counseling? Do you know your Doctor well? They may be able to help you locate some good counseling. Good luckkkkk! :) H x

mariposai said...

There might be some free counselling services in your area, lots of charities provide this...and your parents might be able to help in finding something. You don't have to tell them anything you don't want to...

x

Mavis Cruitz said...

I was in a similar situation to you when I started therapy. My parents didnt know and still dont know about the abuse but they knew I struggled to slip and struggled with nightmares i 'couldnt remember'. I have been getting therapy through the rape and abuse crisis centre frm specialist counsellers - my parents think I am getting therapy from a sleep specialist. With regards to your ED, keep fighting it hon, it gets harder with trauma therapy so its important to get as stable as possible before hand. Sending love and hugs xxx

Angela said...

I'm sorry that you feel such a need to restrict, but I totally understand. It is a coping mechanism that works, and I use it too. I see both a trauma therapist, and a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. I really recommend getting help for the trauma. My flashbacks and nightmares have really decreased, although it has taken a few years of therapy to get there.
Sending {{{HUGS}}}

tracy said...

Just my total person opinion, which, it turns out, is not popular with the blogging world, but i would choose to go to a man. Women professionals creep me out.

Best to you,
tracy

PS My first experience in therapy i had a very horrible time with a female...'nuff said!

tracy said...

i'm sorry, i didn't read closely enough. i would imagine with a background of sexual abuse (i'm so very sorry), working with a man could be very uncomfortable, to put it mildly.
i have a background of emotional abuse from my mom, (heck, i'm 48 and she can still scare me), that's a good deal of the reason i prefer men.
i really hope you don't think it's creepy that an old lady is reading your blog!
i sometimes feel stuck at 17! :)