Thursday, 2 September 2010

Haunting memories?

I have a memory that is haunting me. It won't go away. And now I'm getting side affects to this memory.

Let me expand. When I was younger, about 11 my brother's friend did stuff to me when I didn't want him to. It wasn't rape, but it was close. I still feel like this was my fault.

Well here is the problem. Whenever me and my boyfriend start stuff, this memory comes back and it's all I can think about. It makes any intimacy difficult.

So how do I get rid of this problem? Burn the memory? How can I block it out?

1. What are your best interview tips?


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you. No one deserves to go through that. But I'll say this: I can certainly relate.


Wishing you well,

Anonymous said...

Hi :) I'm sorry, I've never commented on your blog before but I read sometimes and I had to respond to this. I'm really sorry you went through that. I was assaulted when I was 18 and I know from experience that blocking memories out isn't very effective. It's best to talk about them with someone you trust, either a friend/family member or a counsellor. Rape crisis can be really helpful - I know you say you weren't raped but they work with women who were abused or assaulted in any way, not just those who were raped. Their helpline listeners are there literally just to listen to you, and they can also give you advice on who else you could talk to. Or they could talk to your boyfriend so he could think of ways to help if you felt safe enough to let him in on the problem. I did some voluntary work with rape crisis so I know they are a great organisation. I know you don't know me, but I've been through a similar thing and I am really comfortable with being intimate with my boyfriend now, so if you ever wanted someone informal to talk to you would be welcome to email me at

I hope you can put this memory to rest soon <3

mariposai said...

I agree with Katie, it's a good idea to talk about this with someone before it eats away at you inside.
I don't have any personal experience of this myself, so I can only imagine how difficult a memory it must be to have.


Sarah x

HONEY said...

i'm really sorry for what was done to you but it certainly WASN'T your fault. believe me.

i've had similar experiences and i shoved them back my head to the very last and tiniest corner. it's the only thing that helped........

maybe not the best advice, but maybe it works for you as it did for me.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that happened to you.

When I was around 8 my mom's boyfriend stuck his hand in my underwear. I was lying next to my mom and him in bed. It was just for a brief second. But I didn't respond, I felt weird but first I thought my mom did it. I've felt bad about it for a long time. I was to little to deal with it back then. But once in a while it floats on the surface of my memory and I'm really ashamed of it. I feel as if it is my fault and I don't dare to tell my mom. I just shove it back.

Shoving it back helps but not for long, I think. So if you've the opportunity to talk about it you should take it.

Good luck,


The Woollen Typist said...

I'm really sorry to hear that it's eating away at you like this. I too think that what everyone else suggested is a good idea. Talk to someone about it...a therapist, gp or someone who can help.


Angela said...

I was eleven when I was raped, and I kept it a secret for a long time because I was ashamed, and thought it was my fault. It wasn't your fault. Therapy has helped me so much. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. It really does help to be able to talk about it with someone that you trust. Sending hugs:)