Monday, 19 April 2010

Recovery vs relapse. The battle continues.

10 minutes ago I ate about half a bottle of peanut butter. And a banana. 3 buscuits. And a chocolate bar. For breakfast I had a mars bar.
This can't continue.
I'm so angry.
I have NO self control.
Restriction starts.
How have I let myself get so huge?? I'm going on freakin' holiday with all my tiny friends. No way I can survive that without slimming.
Shit.
So this is it.
I know you'll say it's ED speaking up.
But it's not, it's common sense.
It's my eyes. I can SEE how fat I've gotten.
My mum tells me how big I've gotten.
My friends give me awkward looks when I eat.
I hate this. This tip toeing around me.
I need to get down.
But I don't know if I even can any more.
My self control has GONE.
I just eat.
I don't know how I'm going to restrict.
Damn.

9 comments:

Charr. said...

I'm sure you aren't really as big as you think you are <3
Good luck restricting-- but be careful, kay?
xoxo

Eating Alone said...

Restricting is not the way to go (do as I say not as I do). You need to eat the right kinds of food in the right propotion. I am going to go and have a sandwich right now.

I know it sucks by your body will adjust to where it wants to be. The only way for you do that is to feed yourself right.

i love bows:) said...

hey chickaboo

now listen to auntie vic!
theres heakthy self control-and then theres the not so healthy self control.I know YOU know that restriction isnt the way forward really.cos all restricting does is set you up to binge. makes sense-cos if you deny yourself everything you want, well its going to come around twice as hard eventually. and any weight loss resulting form restriction tends to be temporary anyway. im not trying to be bossy know it all...ok, so i am being a bit bossy!bt i want to help, and i dont want to see you set yourself up like this sweetie.cos i KNOW what its like. the careful meal plans, the cutting back, and then the absolute loiss of control when you cant take it anyymore and start to binge.

i also understand that you have to be happy with your weight.ive put on weight over the last week, from where i havnt purged as much, and i HATE IT. but being skinny is just not worth this much pain to me at the moment.im not saying i wont fall back to itt-cos its always ups and downs.but i just dont think it could make me feel better right now-just worse for being a complete failure.anyway, thats me.amd i get boring after a while!

so-is there any point to this comment?well there might have been, but i forget!

ooh i know-i think the trick is sometimes-to not deny yourself.i know people that stick to their mealplans, and manage, and maintain a weight they are happy with-and they eat something chocolatey everyday. allowing yourself something nice can sometimes help to curb the NEED for it that triggers a binge.

cos a lot of the time all restriction does is set up a binge.when i was in hosp a couple weeks back-i literally didnt eat a thing for 4 days. and my friend bought up some biscuits for me and i went beserk and ate all of them.

so i know, for me-this, a little of something you like trick actually does help.

sorry!!i took over your post, didnt mean to go on for so long babe!sorry:(

lots of love xxxxxxxxx

mariposai said...

Vic is right. There is healthy self control, and not so healthy self control. The one you are looking for is a sufficient diet that gives you what you need, and restricting too much will not help you achieve this. It will set you up for binging.

Maybe figure out a mealplan for the week in advance, and have some strategies/distraction techniques just in case you are tempted to stray from it. I had a major battle trying to sort my eating out after binge-purging, but it is possible, although it takes time and patience.

Don't lose hope chick

Sarah x

i love bows:) said...

arg!im feeling bad!

sorry i went off on one and wrote the longest comment ever!didnt mean to sound so bloody bossy!just wanted to try help a little

talk to me anytime:)particulary about chanel hahaha

love vicaroo xxx

Sairs said...

I'm having a bit of the same problem, so I am going back to my meal plan, that always gets me back on track. I hate feeling this way though, it's awful. Restriction though can make it worse, because you could then feel the urge to binge because you a missing stuff that you like. Everything in moderation (as Andy keeps telling me).
*hugs*
Sarah

i love bows:) said...

right then missy:)
consider yourself called up on it!
hehehe
love ya!with bows on!
smooooches

xxxx

tywo said...

Just stay healthy.

LOVE!

hopehap said...

Restriction is definitely not the answer. That's no better than what you're doing now. Just go back to your meal plan and get the help you need. Have courage and move towards health. xoxo