I literally just sat staring at my Easter eggs for 10 minutes. They are scaring me. This morning I saw a photo of myself and it was such a shock. I knew I'd put on weight but these photos brought to life how much I'd put on. Fuck. I'm still restricting- not extreme restricting just light restricting ie no breakfast/snacks. I can't get away from calorie content.
I just read that paragraph back and realised how much I've lost what Easter is really about. Stupid ED. Stupid me for letting ED talk to me and not ignoring it.
Last night was a bit stressful. I got to sleep at 2, woke up at 4. My mind wouldn't slow down.
I'm getting scary flashbacks at the moment. Of times I had forgotten or blocked out. Going to my friends house. Her brother was there. She went to get us lunch. He came in. Did stuff to me. I was too young to understand. Hands in places I didn't want them. Telling him to stop. Being told to stop being such a baby. Not raped. But not innocent anymore. Only 10. All my fault. Blame, guilt, anger. A secret.