Friday, 9 April 2010

Oh why, oh why..


Damn, damn and triple damn. I hate having a crush. On my ex boyfriend. Bad bad times. I broke up with him a few months ago and have been thinking about him quite a lot recently...then 2 days ago we started talking for like 2 hours. And I realised that I have no idea why I dumped him. But I'm pretty sure he isn't interested.Damn.


Good news: My friend gave the money back! I rang her up and explained how much I needed the cash, she drive straight round and gave it back, so feeling much more relaxed about the money situation.

Food news: Yesterday I had less food than the day before, worked my butt off at the gym and still weighed 0.1 lbs more. I know it's not a big gain, but I was hoping for a drop and it's driving me insane. So today's food plan- no breakfast, small or no lunch, normal dinner.

10 comments:

Sairs said...

sorry you're feeling yucky hun, I understand totally! I've had so many ED thoughts lately that it's driving me insane, I can't have anything without that horrid voice in my head. I am glad you got your money back and I hope you start to feel a little better soon.
*hugs*
Sarah

Andy said...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Be kind, rewind, say what?
No breakfast, no lunch?
You know who controls those thoughts?

Your eating disorder.

That evil beast who corners you when your already feeling down, (or when you're really happy) and says you are worth nothing, not allowed to be happy, not allowed to eat, you'd rather be skinny instead.

He is lying.
(Just thought I'd let you know)

I'm glad you got the money back, I wouldn't be surprised if the anxiety from not having it was directly tied to your freaking out about your body. Seriously.

I think you're a beautiful person, and nice and funny, and caring, and that all shines through in your blog.

And I'm scared ED will take that away.

Love, Andy

mariposai said...

Don't let feeling bad ruin your eating. Easier said than done I know, but breakfast is mega mega important, and will give you the energy you need to get through the morning. Also, remember weight fluctuates, and exercise builds muscle, which is heavy. Besides, you are worth more than a number on a silly scale anyway.

Sarah x

Jenn said...

hugs!

I wish I had more helpful things to say right now, but I am struggling a ton too and fear feeling and sounding like a hypocrite...

I just want you to know that I am HERE if you need to talk or anything and I understand how hard things are right now, take care and be good to yourself and your body... PLEASE!!!

Andy said...

TAG! You're it!

Lila Rose said...

Ah that picture describes it all, my number one fear!
Yay for your friend giving your money back, so lucky!

i love bows:) said...

chickadee...please keep fighting ed. I hate to think how unhappy all this is making you.
guys are weird. try talking to him again. make a move.be brave. itl drive you crazier if you do nothing about it.
email me if you want to natter about anything, always here:)

glad you got the money back

picture...yeh thats true.I think you can inherit a tendency to have an addictive personality-which is kinda what an Ed sufferer has. But i think its the environment around you that really would make a difference, and the influences you are subjected to.I think, ultimately, its a case of no matter how ill you might be-well, ED isnt the one raising your kids:)

thats how its going to be for me anyway:)

lots of love and smooches
xxxxxxx

Nikki said...

oh ex-boys are the most complicated thing in the world, they're aliens if you ask me : D .. and it's so crappy having crush over them, I know how u feel :S Ashamed to admit, I've had crush over my ex for almost an year now, but that's because we're trying to be friends with more and less success..

Don't let the food-part rule you over, you don't deserve it sweetie
stay strong and try to find out how your ex feels about you, k?
love, Nikki

Jessie said...

I'm glad you got your money back. And I have to agree with Andy about your ED controlling those thoughts about losing weight. Not eating won't get you anywhere good as I know you know. You are a wonderful kind person and you don't deserve to have your life ruled by this. Take care of yourself.

xoxo

now.is.now said...

Hey there, remember that not eating all day and then eating a meal, really messes with your body. You want your body to trust you. There are thin/normal-weighted people all over this world who eat all 3 meals + snacks every day. Eating doesn't make you fat. (I know... I'm talking to myself while I write this too)

As for the ex: you never know that he's not interested again....