I've been thinking recently about the MAIN THINGS that got me to this point in recovery. Here is my list:
1. TIME. Recovery takes time. It's not going to happen overnight. There WILL be relapses (in my case). There will be weight gain and weight loss. It's been about a year and a half since I started my journey to recovery. At the beginning I thought it would be straight forward, "I've made the decision to recover and now I can do that" Doesn't quite work out like that...mainly because I think one of the things that aided my recovery was....
2. RELAPSE: Each time I relapsed the actual time of the relapse got less and less. The first few relapses went on for months, but not if I 'relapse' (act on ED thoughts) it would only be a few days/a week. Without each relapse I wouldn't have learnt about the nutrition my body needs.
3. TALKING: I talked and typed my way through recovery. It kept me in check, and helped me come to some big realisations, about myself as a person without an eating disorder. I realised that I'd been defining myself completely by the way I look, and how much I weigh. I realised that it's OKAY to not have to try and look perfect everyday. I realised that my real friends and my friends because of WHO I am not HOW I look.
4. TRUST: As recovery plods along I realise that my body is like a piece of machinery, it knows what nutrients I need, and will keep my weight stable all by itself. I have learnt that if I trust my body, and don't starve it then it learns to trust me and doesn't make me binge. It has stabilised my weight, so I can eat a really good amount.
5. ACCEPTANCE: This was probably the hardest for me. Acceptance that I would never be thin, never have that 'control' that I sought for so long. I know full well that I will NEVER get to my old 'goal weight'. And I've accepted that. I know that I will never have the body of the model. And I accept that. Some would look down on me for accepting these things, think "well I would never give up like her". 2 years ago that's what I would of thought reading this. But let me tell you this, I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER, HEALTHIER AND DAMN WELL BETTER OFF FOR ACCEPTING MY SELF.
So that's my list. There are probably tons more things that went into my recovery, but I would say these are the most obvious in my case.
Thanks for reading!
4 comments:
I love this post! You clearly have a lot of insight. You are so right about the acceptance thing-- I think that's the key. Accepting ourselves, our bodies, our minds, our (unchangeable) circumstances-- all very important!
Wishing you well,
NOS
This is great...I am learning these things to ( about the ED)...I think what it boils down to is patience, perserverence and some good old fashioned HARD WORK!!!
What an awesome post. I agree with all the things you stated, they are so true. I think recovery just keeps happening on its own no matter what, if we let it. The big thing for me too was the relapse and how each time the time I was in relapse was smaller each time and then I'd get back to recovery. Now I have the scale in the bathroom and I don't weigh myself except on saturdays. Even then I sometimes forget about it. There is no reminder in my phone anymore to remding me to weigh myself. Good for you!
*hugs*
Sarah
SO proud of you! =)
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