Monday, 20 June 2011

Telling parents about eating disorders.

I thought I would share the story of how I told my parents about my bulimia.

Although looking back at photos my parents say it's obvious I look ill at the time they didn't notice my deathly pale hue, up and down weight etc. I was VERY secretive when it came to my parents and had the idea that if I told my parents about my bulimia they would be really angry and disappointed in me. As my eating disorder got worse, my mood turned black. I remember the Worst Week. I had a 3 day fast, followed by extreme binge/purge sessions on and off for the rest of the week. I was barely sleeping as it was, and by this time I was secretly taking diazepam to get to sleep. I had run out and got roughly 9 hours sleep over the entire week. I cried hysterically every night, muffling the noise with my pillow so no one would hear. Every time I crossed a road I felt tempted to just close my eyes and step out, hoping to end the pain. 
This was the week I told my parents.
It was a Sunday, the last day of that horrid week. I had been to church and cried out to God. When I got home utterly exhausted I went straight to my room. My mind was in a dark place. I sat and cried. I know I'd never hit a low like this and decided I just couldn't continue the secret any more. I prayed for God to give me the strength to tell.
 I went to their room and my mum was in bed, reading. I was already crying. "Mum, I've got to tell you something, I have booked an appointment with the doctor. I think I might be bulimic. Please don't be angry." My mum was amazing. So supportive. She asked lots of questions and got my dad, who she told. They were both gentle, kind and understanding. They offered to come to the doctor with me, but I decided to go it alone. They couldn't understand why I thought they would be angry or disappointed in me. 
Looking back I don't know why I thought this. The eating disorder had been lying to me. Feeding me those lies. You have failed them. You have disappointed them. These things, they are not true. 100% lies. 

Don't let an eating disorder fool you. They are purely evil. 


Haley said...

Thanks for sharing your story.
When I told my dad he didn't believe me.. He just said that I need to eat a little more, that doesn't mean I'm anorexic.. that was hard..
but anyway, it's great that you have such supportive parents.
And you are right. ED lies. So much!
Thanks for the reminder :)

i love bows:) said...

you are a total star ellie :)

that must have been so hard. I've never told anyone about my Ed-well apart from blog world, but you know what i mean. i've always been confronted with it. it still makes me feel that i need to keep it secret, that it will just make everyone hate me. My best friend came over one day, plonked a cup of tea in my hand and just asked me what was going on. she didnt yell, she didnt get angry-but she was quite reserved-i thought id lost her as a friend from all the secrets, avoidance and lies, but turns out she wanted to hold it together until i told her. it was the worst and best day all together. a relief, but i was terrified id lose her. she came to see doctors and the psyc with me-this was when i was still in cornwall. she couldnt have been more fabulous. i still cry when i think about how much i miss her, now we are both away at uni.


Anonymous said...

i have so much respect for you. you are an inspiration dear. xo

Lisa said...

You're awesome. :)

when I told my dad, he was like "nooo bulimia is when people throw up" and I"m thinking well no shit...and he's like you don't do that...

...yes dad I do. this is why i am telling you I have been diagnosed bulimic...

that was my experience. haha