Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Bulimia is not a diet.

BULIMIA WILL NOT HELP YOU LOOSE WEIGHT. It might help you loose a few pounds at first. Before the binges start. Before you find yourself eating. and eating. and eating. Until you feel so awful. So terrible. So utterly ashamed. You make yourself sick. And feel a little better. For 10 minutes. Then the guilt. For days. 

A few months in... only a few pounds down. Yet you're loosing your hair. Your teeth are sensitive. You bloat REALLY easily. Your skin is spotty and pale. 

A few more months... handfuls of hair out in the shower. When you walk it feels like you're floating. But not in a nice way. In a horrible disconnected way. You can't concentrate and you constantly feel grumpy and irritated. You consider closing your eyes and walking into the road. The idea seems better and better. All because you binged that morning. Because you can't loose enough weight.    

Bulimia is a cruel circle. Break free.

This year is moving  so fast. Yet so much has been achieved in one short year. Since my last relapse I feel even stronger in recovery if that's possible.
 I have gotten to a relationship with food which I have never had, and never thought I would have. I enjoy food, but know that I don't enjoy it if I overindulge. I know that if I eat too little I WILL end up eating too much eventually. I know my eating disorder is not a good, long term way to loose weight. I know I don't need to loose weight.

So how have I learnt this? Well first off, I started to listen to what people tell me. At work in the clothes shop customers often compliment my figure, and my work colleagues often say I am thin etc. etc. I think my Mum who often makes comments that make me feel like a podge is the exception. She thinks I'm chunky but the majority of the world doesn't! Wahooo!!!

These last few weeks have been awesome... I've been preparing for my holiday to China, I've been to Alton Towers (a theme park) and just generally enjoying life. My jogging has been coming along, and I'm enjoying it more and more. 

I feel like my life is starting to come together in a wonderful way.

But I'm still nervous that I'm 'growing up' because I still feel 12!

Okay, okay random post, I want to start blogging more and with more direction.

Looking at the brighter side of life (this is my favourite place in the world. A beautiful area  someone in my family have been going to for 80 years.


Lisa said...

i love this post and IT IS SO TRUE. every word of it.

you go girl :)


Anonymous said...

Bulimia is not a diet. Anorexia is not a diet. They are awful, awful, deadly diseases that ruin every single part of your life. I wish more people knew that.

I'm really proud that you have been able to eat moderately and be satisfied. You've come so far in the past few months. Keep it up, kid!

Wishing you well,

i love bows:) said...

you go girl xxx