Started as the majority of dates start, a little awkwardly, but it soon warmed up as we walked around my city, and ended up in a secluded bar. He's clever, HOT, ambitious and has a sense of humour (plus he can kiss good teehee). But the weird thing is I have no feelings about it. I don't care if he texts, I don't care if he doesn't. He did text, and I am staying at his next week. This is another thing, I don't really care about what is going to happen. We will probably have sex. I don't care. I'm in a very promiscuous mood, and as awful as it is I am probably using him for sex. Judge me if you want, I'm just being honest.
Recently I thought about why I'm so...well....messed up. Nothing really bad has ever happened to me. I have a stable family. I have had a good education and am physically healthy. So why the hell am I so down? Why did I develop bulimia? Why do I do stuff which I know will mess me up later? WHY AM I SO SELF DESTRUCTIVE? I can blame no one but myself. This is my fault, I can't blame any experience in my life. It's my own selfish, attention seeking self.
I really dislike me.