Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Building up after the breakdown and a confusing counsellor.

Yesterday I got SO ANGRY. But luckily instead of letting it eat me up and me just seething inside, I rang my mentor. She has NEVER heard me loose it, but I'm just so sick of everything I vented big time. Lots of swearing, tears and general anger. Afterwards she said "I'm actually really proud you let your barriers down so much, I've never heard you be so truthful, you should be proud." I was also venting about an issue I haven't brought up on here before: my church. I feel like I'm being judged by them for having sex and drinking.

Weight:  I'm at the same weight I was yesterday, which would normally annoy me but it's okay, because at least weight isn't coming on.

Food for today: 
Breakfast (I messed up) : a pack of rolo's.
Lunch: diet coke.
Dinner: Jacket potato with beans.

My counsellor said something yesterday which confused/challenged me. Basically I was telling her about my history of ED, and how I always end up slipping back in to my old ED habits. She said something along these lines "You have the choice to start cutting back, you have the choice to ignore it and carry on, so you also have the choice to NOT cut back and NOT carry on." She made it seem as simple as that. Hmmm.....

3 comments:

NOS said...

I think it IS pretty simple, but incredibly difficult. Don't resign yourself to your eating disorder. You can get through/past it. Maybe not immediately, but it can happen.

Wishing you well,
NOS

grossje said...

Hey sweetie,

you must have felt really relieved after that confession. Sometimes it just feels so good to let everything out.
I really hope you feel better now.
Sending you a big hug!

xoxo

not.quite.ana said...

i'm glad you were finally able to get it all out :) i've read your entire blog and you ARE a great writer haha. looking forward to more posts from you <3