Monday, 9 August 2010

I could really use a wish right now..

The boyfriends gone to China. Only for 3 weeks, but I feel So. Damn. Lonely.

I can't stop binging.

This time last year I was a stone less.

Okay, okay enough of the silly depressing sounding sentences. Basically I'm not in a great place. It's not a terrible place, I've felt much worse, but my mind isn't a pleasant place to be at the moment.

A quick question - am I weird? Does any one else get this - Many nights I wake up and am struck with fear. I have no reason for this fear, but I feel so, so scared that I can't move, I'm too scared to move, I just lie with my fingers in my ears really still, even if I'm boiling hot. I get a feeling of foreboding like something terrible is about to happen. It wares off after about half an hour to an hour and I get back to sleep. Does this happen to anyone else?

My parents are thinking of inviting my Grandma to Cornwall with us on holiday. I really hope they don't. My Grandma likes to direct snide comments at me, I only normally see her for an afternoon so I can deal with them, but for a week? No way. I really couldn't.

I loved hearing about all the things you are thankful for!


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. I'm sending you hugs.

And about the fear thing-- yes, that has happened to me. I'm not sure what causes it, but it's damn scary.

I hope things improve, Battleinmind.

Wishing you well,

Andy said...

THAT HAPPENS TO ME TOO ! OH my, I thought I was the only one. I don't know what to do with them, I always wait them out, I get really noise sensitive like I can heear each little thing and it gets louder and louder and I freeze, I can't move or thing, it's crazy. Totally scary.

Anyway, I hope that things start looking up. Have faith okay? Things will get better.

Love, Andy

mariposai said...

Stress leads to binging for me too - I've been reading some books by Geneen Roth on relationships with food and I'd really recommend any of her stuff...

There are better times ahead so hang in there...

Sarah x

Anonymous said...

Oh I really know that. You just feel so terribly afraid and you can't really tell why.
I have a way to avoid binging. Just think about how unhappy you'll feel afterwards. Think about everything that happens then, I'm sure you can tell. Maybe this helps you a bit. Because no chocolate can be that good so you would give up having a flat stomach and feeling happy.
Keep on going, lots of love.

les jeune fille à les oiseaux said...

sounds like a panic attack. Although if you're a Christian, it could very well be Spiritual warfare. guard your heart!

also, is your boyfriend on a missions trip!?

I love you!

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, I hope you are okay?
You are not weird. I also pass through many phases in the night. In my case, I love to sleep so I can dream, but I hate sleep because I'm scared I might not wake up. So, I do many things in the middle of the night.
Have a good day.


les jeune fille à les oiseaux said...

Oh, I use to love going to Christian camp! I use to go to one called Global Youth in Atlanta, GA :) I hope you come back buzzing on the Holy Spirit like CRAZY!!!