I have lost the ability to write. I don't know what to say. I don't comment on any of your blogs and the guilt is getting to me. Sorry.
So here is a proper update:
Today my food intake has been non existent so far: I had a smoothie for breakfast and a smoothie for lunch. I told my parents that I had a Mcdonalds when I went shopping so I only have to have a small dinner, then off to the gym to purge and work out. What a fun day!
On fantastic news: Everything is going well with the boyfriend. He's fantastic :) :)
Shopping today was utterly miserable, I had a massive row with my parents before and stormed out. I tried on like 100000 dresses and they all looked terrible. My body looks huge at the moment, in the mirror it looked like it had been stretched, it's gross. Then I went off to the clinic, I get the results in 2 weeks..eek!
I'm trying to keep myself busy at the moment so I don't have too much time to think. Tomorrow I have a big family birthday and everyone is coming round, so the smiling mask will be on. After that I'm having coffee with my mentor, thank God, I need to speak to someone. (I'm falling to pieces, a second ago I thought I was going to burst into tears, then started laughing, then got really angry....what|??!??!) Anyway, got a few parties and nights out coming up, along with lots of gym time.
I'm coming up to a very scary week next week. I go away on my annual camp with church. Last year I ate 1 rhyvita a day and fainted and kept having panic attacks. Being back there is going to be challenging. My mind is already in the "starve for a week" mindset.
This post was very here and there, sorry.
Thank you so much for the comments, I'm so sorry that I'm not replying, I'll try harder.