Thursday, 8 March 2012

Eating other people's food.

Yesterday I had a horrible binge. I started the day well, eating a small breakfast and was planning on doing a small food shop. My friend drove us to ASDA and my shop went fine, except I made one rooky error that cost me a binge. Chocolate Philadelphia. My lunch consisted of grapes in this choc philly. Dinner turned into a GIANT  plate of pasta, and guess what? The WHOLE tub of choc philly with toast. Followed by the really expensive Easter chocolate I brought for my mum. I felt so ashamed and disgusting and embarrassed. So I had a very thorough purge and thank God, my weight was down this morning.

This morning my friend Jonny came over, he knows about my bulimia but after today's event I decided I can't tell him anything again. I told him about my binge. His response "you ate the WHOLE tub, hmmm classy." I felt so disgusting. It was the least helpful response. I'm never going to talk to him about it again.

Well you live and learn! 


Leigh said...

First off, I'm sorry for your set back. Believe me, I KNOW how awful it feels to binge. And it seems a little hypocritical for me to be saying this, given that I beat myself up about my own binges all the time, but we ARE allowed to make mistakes. They will happen and they will not ruin our lives. My therapist told me that one binge isn't even likely to affect your weight (though you might retain some water weight the next day if your binge was particularly salty or full of sugar). Put this behind you and get right back on track. You can do this.

Secondly, boys are stupid. Just kidding (sort of). I think it's just hard for other people to understand what you're going through, and so when you make mention of it, they're not sure how to respond. Johnny probably doesn't know if you want him to make a big deal about it, so he just brushes it off with a mundane (albeit a bit insensitive comment).

Calla said...

boys are shits and very rarely helpful, especially with things they have no way to understand.
hope you're well. <3

Natalie said...

I am contacting you as a recovery blogger, hoping that you might be able to help me with something. I'm looking for people who experience their ED or "ED voice" as female, or something other than the usual "Ed" image, to share written reflections (stories, letters, poems, or whatever) based on that personification. I've noticed that people in recovery are reluctant to refer to their eating disorders as female, to separate themselves from pro-ana/pro-mia groups. I want to "reclaim" female personifications from the pro-ED camp by publicizing recovery-oriented descriptions of a female ED, to make these descriptions just as much a part of recovery dialogue as the popular (male) "Ed" image. Other images that broaden the (currently rather narrow) scope of available metaphors are also welcome! I hope you will consider writing something, and/or share this information with others who might want to contribute. I can be reached at, and more information is available at