Oh my gosh I took one, just ONE of the adios max diet tablets and I got so ill. Let's just say I didn't leave the bathroom and my stomach was spasming (is that a word?) out of control. It was either the adios or I got a bad stomach bug. In two days I've lost 6lbs. Mainly this is because of the bug. Today I am being careful with food, but also challenging my eating disordered thoughts. So I put golden syrup on my ready brek this morning because I don't want to get to a place where I feel I am a failure if I have it. I know if I get to that place the binge/purge cycle starts. So I'm eating 3 meals and keeping them all healthy.
I went out today and brought a book about a girl with anorexia. I know full well that this will trigger me but I'm being irresponsible. I won't lie I LOVE having my own scales. But I am NOT going to get sucked back into my disorder really bad. I just want to loose 10-20lbs in an okay way.
Whatever. I just want to achieve. In everything. I've been a failure this far. At school I didn't get the best grades, I never stick with any hobbies, I never lost enough weight. I'm just not quite good enough. I want to be perfect.