Friday, 23 July 2010

Promiscuous? Damaged? Scared.

My mood has been CRAPPY and CONFUSING today and yesterday. I feel, I don't know, dirty? Here's why: Well the ex asked me out, and of course I said yes because I really like him, and am so pleased to be back with him. BUT I CAN'T GET THE FLING FROM THE HOLIDAY OUT OF MY HEAD. He's invited me and my friends up to Brighton and I really want to go (not for romance, although I know I would be tempted). I keep thinking about him and I don't know why! We both agreed it was only physical, no strings attached.

See I read that paragraph back and it makes me sad. I never thought I would be a one night girl, and now I love them. They've made me scared of relationships, because emotions and boys don't seem like a safe mix. Basically I'm scared. All these confusing negative thoughts have caused a two day binge (no purges) which have been making me feel even more negative.

I need to GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. I feel so trapped here. I want to escape. Do something. But everything seems to cost money which I don't have.

So, questions:
1. Any suggestions of things I can do on a low budget?
2. How do I get over fear of commitment/ trust issues?



ps Thank you for the amazing comments, I love each and every one of you.

6 comments:

NOS said...

When I've been strapped for cash I've gone to a coffee shop to get some cheap tea and sit and read. It sounds really boring, but it can be really nice.

As for the fear of commitment/trust issues, I'm not sure. Maybe it just takes time and good experiences to reassure you.

Wishing you well,
NOS

happinessiswithin said...

First off, good for you for not purging :) I know that can be hard. You should be proud!!!!

Im in the same boat as you.. nooo $$$ nothing to do!

as for the fling..dont worry there will be many more to come ;) You got your whole life girlie

Dana xoxo
http://happinessiswithin.wordpress.com/

beldam said...

go for a walk. it always helps me. and it's free.
as for commitment issues i'm sorry i have the same problem. i wouldn't know what to do. i hope you figure it out.

mariposai said...

Well done for not purging. It's hard when you are stuck inside with not much to do, and I know this made binge purging more likely for me.

Like you said in your comment to me - art galleries are a good free outing. Maybe look in your local paper to see if there is anything going on in your area to go and see/do. Walk a new route, or do what I'm currently doing - make and write your Christmas cards haha!

As for relationships I'm still a bit clueless myself, but I can imagine that it feels much harder (and more risky) to commit emotionally than physically to someone. As Dana says, you are only young - there's plenty of time to figure things out.

Wow. Marathon comment!

Sarah x

Sairs said...

I either go to a coffee shop and have coffee and then go looking around the shops. Trying on clothes I will never buy and looking at stuff I will never buy. I also love going to libraries, even if I don't check out a book, I sometimes hop on a computer and surf the net or just sit and watch people go buy outside somewhere. I take my camera and photograph nature or anything that comes to mind or I try and come up with creative ideas for cards and now my new venture into drawing. I hope you find something to do, boredom sucks and I really am glad you didn't purge, well done!
*hugs*
Sarah

Eating Alone said...

Don't know where you are but sometimes there are free concerts or plays in the park. We have a "Shakespeare" in the park thing going on now. The museum/art gallery thing is fun too.

Or maybe volunteer at a local animal shelter. Or just go there and pet the puppies or cats. Of course you have to be careful you don't take one home.