Sunday, 28 August 2011

I appear to be back.

I know I said in my last post a few months ago that I was saying goodbye to this blog but I just can't stay away! I've been reading a lot of your blogs and thinking of my blogger friends. So, how has my life been going? Let's categorise! Fun fun fun!

Eating disorder
My eating has been, well, very straight forward! I know I'm eating enough (if not a little too unhealthy). I weigh myself most days just to check I'm stable. I still enjoy jogging but the last few weeks I've had a break as I've had family over and been away. But now I'm back I feel very anxious to increase my exercise. I have also been having ED thoughts in the last week about cutting down. Luckily, I KNOW that I can't go back there. This doesn't mean I won't relapse at some point in my future (I go to uni in a month and feel this will be a triggering time) but I know overall, I will never get back to the point I was. This food journey has been 3 years, I'm so ready to move on. 

Mental Health
I've taken some great steps forward in healing old wounds, especially about the sexual abuse episodes I went through. About 3 weeks ago I had my final meet up with my mentor totally opened up. I told her things I never thought I would let out. Those secrets we put in a box lock up and know if we told anyone the world would explode (FYI, it didn't). Occasional episodes of insomnia but nothing major, and nothing I can't handle. 

I'm really resisting those eating disordered thoughts at the moment. I would love to be 10lbs less, but in the long run if I did loose those 10lbs I wouldn't be any happier. 

I won't be posting a lot just whenever I feel like getting thoughts out. Hope you're all well!


PerfectingMyEmptiness said...

i love you

Sairs said...

I missed you :)
It sounds like you are doing all the right things and that can still be hard. You will have good days and bad days, though I know this can suck sometimes [the bad days]. I guess all I can say is keep on hanging on. You can do this. Kick that ED thoughts in the butt. Be gentle and kind to yourself.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you are doing very well, dear. Stay strong.
We love you.


i love bows:) said...

Ellie babe!

ive been thinking about you and hoping you were ok :)

lots of love lady!

you are brave, strong and fabulous xxx