Carving out my insides.

So I am really enjoying my nursing course. It's brilliant. Unfortunately I am having a hard time connecting to the girls on my course. whenever I'm around them I feel like I'm so boring and I have nothing to contribute. I just get so self conscious and embarrassed. I feel frumpy and ugly around them. Normally I don't struggle with making friends but recently my self confidence has been on a downward spiral. We went on a night out yesterday and made a right fool of myself. I got wasted and ended up having a one night stand with a total randomer. Didn't even exchange numbers. I wish I felt bad but I don't. Just numb numb numb. 


I CAN'T LOOSE ANY WEIGHT. My body seems to be refusing to let me loose. I have been eating SO healthy - lots of fruit and veg, no chocolate, no crisps etc. But no. Nothing. No change. Today I pigged out and had a meal out. Gross. So obviously I won't loose weight tomorrow. 


Just 9lbs. That's all I want to loose. Is that too much to ask?

What a difference a month makes.

I have been at university one month. I love it...but not all of it. University has a difficult side. The food side. Each week I eat more fruit and veg and less of anything else. For example today's lunch consisted of 5 pieces of fruit. Dinner was grilled veg with pasta which I think I want to purge. 


Scratch that I tried to purge it but I thought I was choking. Need to remember to drink water whilst eating. Unfortunately I have only dropped 2lbs. Poo!


Cheerleading is going well, even though I had 2 years cheer experience as a coach and in a national champ team I got put in the beginner squad.Gutted. I really am lousy. Another problem is the coach we have has bad technique which I KNOW gets points dropped in comps. I have to zip my lips so I don't say anything. But I do love being back in cheer. 


 I love my little room at uni. I LOVE having my own space. I went home this weekend and struggled with food and also being around my family for that long. I know that sounds odd, I love them but sometimes I just need my space from them. Ohhh that sounds bitchy! Don't judge! 

my lovely room

grilled veg <3

So my plan for the next month? Drop 4lbs, pass my first assignment with top marks, start volunteering with church, make good friends on my course. I can feel my perfectionist streak coming out.